Interests:Old School Goth Scene and deathrock scene, bats, reading, the macbre, make up/hair, Justin, politics, music, modeling, animals, clothing, Hello Kitty, Europe, Absinthe, Dark fairytales, movies, vampirism, big boots, parties, ZASK, disney movies, Hitler, BDSM Occupation:ZASK merchandise bitch.
Happy commercial holiday!! In no way am I religious but...I do love me some peeps.
*** I am so stressed out! Everything is so complicated right now, uhg. I'm ready to just tell the whole world to fuck off. Distraction in any form would be glorious...I think that's what this whole Skank thing was...a way for me to distance myself from the rest of my life. What a stupid thing to fucking do. Just thinking about it is making me want to vomit. I don't know how I can be so stupid sometimes. Whatever, I'm dealing with it now and being honest with Justin. I miss him so much. He is going to be here tomorrow!! I am so excited to finally see him after being away for so long.. He's here for 4 days, and we have 2 Easter family dinners to go to. I never write in this journal anymore, I really should....I have writers block once again. ***
*** I really fucked up. Fuck. Im sorry I fucked around with both of your emotions. I am a heartless bitch. I'm sorry I kissed you..and made you think it was real. I'm fucking sorry.
someone needs to come find me in this hole. I am all alone...just like I wanted. Fuck. FUCK.
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Im fucking up my life. fucking save me.
I guess I just wanted you to be a white knight that could save me from myself. It isn't possible...I am too far gone.
I wrote Sam last night In a drunken fit....fuck...I miss her so much but I know I never want to be her friend again. I hate my life. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE. I hate that I live in a world where you get so caught up in bull shit... and then you say you hate your life...but there are children who don't even have food to eat and they dont say they hate their life...I am fucked up.
*** Goodbye. It was nice while it lasted. I will miss the good times. However I have to say that Im glad I now know your true colours. At first I was upset at your behaviour...but now Im glad I know. Instead of wasting another year of my time I can be free of that. When you grow up maybe we can be friends again...but that is highly doubtful. Putting up walls in defence only works on children. I dont have time for that...so you can just keep on doing that but Im not going to acknowledge that nor you.
*** I have completely stopped sleeping and eating.
Life has taken a painful turn. I put every ounce of faith in you...I put every piece of me that I could into giving my self to you. All I ask in return is for you to fucking hold me and tell me it's going to be alright when it isn't. Call me foolish but I believe in putting everything into something if it is true to you. I would call myself a 'Gothic Romanticism' fiend....I believe wholeheartedly in giving your entire being over to someone and being able to say I would die for them and without them I would die..
To die of a broken heart...how truly romantic.
All I ask is for the same in return. I have wronged so much in the past but I am willing to spend my entire life making it up to you...and all I want is for you to tell me ' I love you with everything I have'. To hear those words...I may just die of joy. All I want is for that undying love and affection I once knew in you. All I ask is for you to show me.
I would give the world to see you right now. To cuddle up against you and breathe you in....and grasp unto any waking moment that I possibly could...I just want you....to want me as badly I want you.
I am so convinced of all of these things that I would not be surprised if we died on the same day...for without you. I cannot be.
You truly do not love me anymore....for you would not put me through this hell. Please put me out of my misery.... for I cannot stand a moment of this...I don't want to remember all this misery. ***
